i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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