I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
