You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
