dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize