Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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