The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
