I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
