Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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