Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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