Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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