Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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