sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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