i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
