he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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