oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
