I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
