Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I am mentally ready for anal.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
