Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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