There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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