i permit you to call me
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
