i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
