you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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