Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
