Someone shit on the floor
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
