Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I lost the right to judge tonight
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
