did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
