She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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