I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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