We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
