I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
