remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
