I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
