cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
