the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
