i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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