1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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