I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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