I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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