just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
