I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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