We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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