Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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