When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
50% drunk capacity currently
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
