did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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