STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
