I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
did i just pee glitter
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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