That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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