No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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