Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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