my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
