I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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