Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
