The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
