He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
