census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
