Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
