Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
