i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
