Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
