When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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