Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
