its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
