Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
