youre lurking in front of me
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
