I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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