Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
