Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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