His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
