There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
