it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
