I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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