I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
