and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
