Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
