My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize