I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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