Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
