I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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