My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
